829 Service

So yeah--

I'm a shitty person sometimes... but I don't believe I deserve the way i'm treated. I have just succumbed to the darker side of one of my larger moral battles that i've fought myself over for awhile. I don't know how I really feel in the end, but I think my decision to cut you off was a good one. I can't help someone who wont even help themself- I still do have some sort of weird feelings for you that I can't explain- but you always find a way to piss me off everytime we talk. While with you I have never been so mad... ever in my life... you know... I almost broke my hand on several occasions where we were fighting about NOTHING... you just have the ability to make me feel more anger than anyone i've ever met.How on earth can I be happy... I have no idea what it is about you that even keeps any sort of likable feelings I have for you...
---
It's so pathetic
I hate you so much but I still miss you
Karma is hard to change
When everything you do and say is awful
Remorse is hard to fake
When you only feel sorry for yourself
---
I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, and i've helped you and helped... and even tried to be your friend even after realizing that we aren't good together- You just don't even care... you and everyone wanted a reason to call me a jerk... well here it is- hope you're happy. It's clichéd, but Karma is a bitch, and I believe you should get what you deserve... and you don't deserve anything from me-- you take money from me without any intent to pay me back.... you take money to buy shit for me? and not even tell me what it is... and I have yet to see anything from that...

I am done-

I can't express my feelings in any other way... I know someone else will help you-

You have your parents, your new boyfriend, and all of the people you live with... you'll make it without me--

Empty promises from you add up to be so many- i'm sure you'll be able to find it in your heart to take ONE empty promise from me....

I am happier now... I haven't been angry at all since I left-- I hope everyone in your life makes you happy... Remember to always keep people that are good to you and make you happy around you at all times... Lifes too short to waste your life on a dead end-

Call it Karma - Silverstein--

blame it on the weather, but i'm a mess
and this february darkness has me hating everyone
and i know i need your comfort, but this drama makes me sick
and the longer i lay here, i know it's harder to get up
without you

lose another day here
lose another year here
i'm with you

finally, something out there, that's making sense
and it's just another trend carefully hidden in your dress
and this cycles never ending, and this fashions overdone
and the further that i run away, the further i'll come back
to shelter...

you are the fire, on my apartment floor
sixteen stories, i'd rather burn then fall
and it isn't fate, that took us all by storm
it's just the turn of a card

goodbye old friend
goodbye goodnight
i'll move on
you'll call it fate, i'll call it karma
we had our time, it was fun
while it lasted

i'll look back, with honor
and no regrets
i won't be mad, won't feel bad
these memories will never leave me
don't be sad
cause life goes on, life goes on
it's getting too late
tomorrow is here
------------------------

So the past few weekends have been pretty amazing to say the least--

I got to have a huge rockin party at my house where Newman-san (One of my friends that works for my favorite sushi resturant) came over and totally took my kitchen to make food! ... I think I had like 6 sushi rolls and way too much tequilaaaa.... and Mountain Morgan... What a fun night though! ... my facebook has pictures of the sushi animals he made-- they are pretty cool--

I also got to go to the Silverstein concert which was pretty cool... I haven't typically liked that genre since the middle of ninth grade when screamo was "Cool" ---

Some of their songs make me cringe because they're so terrible ... like "My heart bleeds no more" ..... If I hit random on my playlist and it shows up ONE more time ima an hero-

But They played all of the songs I actually like-- American Dream, Call it Karma, I am the Arsonist, Your Sword VS My dagger, and Broken Stars... I didn't like how they called Born Dead a punk rock song... because in reality it is no more punk rock than the rest of their songs. They even played a cover of "Apologise" which was honestly better than the real one (Youtube it! It's good)--- I did like to see them genuinely like Alaska. They even decided to play an extra show down at Chilkoots the Sunday after. I also thought it was pretty funny how they begged everyone to pretend that they were 36 Crazyfists for just 5 minutes and make a circlepit... that was ammusing. ALSO my favorite thing about these concerts are the kids doing hardcore dancing! You've never been to a show unless you've seen a 200+ pound kid trying to hardcore dance--- He was only going for the first 2 songs though... I think he got tired or had a heart attack and died in the bathroom or something... who knows